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12 Things Truly Confident People Do Differently

Writen by: Travis Bradberry Contributor
originally posted on:

Confidence takes many forms, from the arrogance of Floyd Mayweather to the quiet self-assurance of Jane Goodall. True confidence—as opposed to the false confidence people project to mask their insecurities—has a look all its own.

When it comes to confidence, one thing is certain: truly confident people always have the upper hand over the doubtful and the skittish, because they inspire others and they make things happen.

I think Henry Ford said it best:

 Whether you think you can, or you think you can’t—you’re right.

Ford’s notion that your mentality has a powerful effect upon your ability to succeed is manifest in the results of a recent study at the University of Melbourne where confident people went on to earn higher wages and get promoted more quickly than anyone else.

Learning to be confident is clearly important, but what is it that truly confident people do that sets them apart from everyone else?

I did some digging to uncover the 12 cardinal habits of truly confident people, so that you can incorporate these behaviors into your repertoire.

1. They Get Their Happiness From Within

Happiness is a critical element of confidence, because in order to be confident in what you do, you have to be happy with who you are.

People who brim with confidence derive their sense of pleasure and satisfaction from their own accomplishments, as opposed to what other people think of their accomplishments. They know that no matter what anyone says, you’re never as good or bad as people say you are.

2. They Don’t Pass Judgment

Confident people don’t pass judgment on others because they know that everyone has something to offer, and they don’t need to take other people down a notch in order to feel good about themselves. Comparing yourself to other people is limiting. Confident people don’t waste time sizing people up and worrying about whether or not they measure up to everyone they meet.

3. They Don’t Say Yes Unless They Really Want To

Research conducted at the University of California in San Francisco shows that the more difficulty that you have saying no, the more likely you are to experience stress, burnout, and even depression. Confident people know that saying no is healthy and they have the self-esteem to make their no’s clear. When it’s time to say no, confident people avoid phrases like “I don’t think I can” or “I’m not certain.” They say no with confidence because they know that saying no to a new commitment honors their existing commitments and gives them the opportunity to successfully fulfill them.

You cannot avoid sending nonverbal messages to others; however, it is possible to train yourself to send the right ones. Here are ten nonverbal cues that convey confidence and credibility in the workplace.

4. They Listen More Than They Speak

People with confidence listen more than they speak because they don’t feel like they have anything to prove. Confident people know that by actively listening and paying attention to others, they are much more likely to learn and grow. Instead of seeing interactions as opportunities to prove themselves to others, they focus on the interaction itself, because they know this is a far more enjoyable and productive approach to people.

5. They Speak With Certainty

It’s rare to hear the truly confident utter phrases like, “Um,” “I’m not sure,” and “I think.” Confident people speak assertively because they know that it’s difficult to get people to listen to you if you can’t deliver your ideas with conviction.

6. They Seek Out Small Victories

Confident people like to challenge themselves and compete, even when their efforts yield small victories. Small victories build new androgen receptors in the areas of the brain responsible for reward and motivation. The increase in androgen receptors increases the influence of testosterone, which further increases their confidence and eagerness to tackle future challenges. When you have a series of small victories, the boost in your confidence can last for months.

7. They Exercise

A study conducted at Eastern Ontario Research Institute found that people who exercised twice a week for 10 weeks felt more competent socially, academically, and athletically. They also rated their body image and self-esteem as being higher. Best of all, physical changes in their bodies were not responsible for the uptick in confidence. It was the immediate, endorphin-fueled positivity from exercise that made all the difference.

8. They Don’t Seek Attention

People are turned off by those who are desperate for attention. Confident people know that being yourself is much more effective than trying to prove that you’re important. People catch on to your attitude quickly and are more attracted to the right attitude than what—or how many people—you know. And confident people always seem to bring the right attitude.

Confident people are masters of attention diffusion. When they’re being given attention for an accomplishment, they quickly shift the focus to all the people who worked hard to help get them there. They don’t crave the approval or praise because they draw their self-worth from within.

9. They Aren’t Afraid to be Wrong

Confident people aren’t afraid to be proven wrong. They like putting their opinion out there to see if it holds up, because they learn a lot from the times they are wrong and other people learn from them when they’re right. Self-assured people know what they are capable of and don’t treat being wrong as a personal slight.

10. They Stick Their Neck Out

When confident people see an opportunity they take it. Instead of worrying about what could go wrong they ask themselves, “What’s stopping me? Why can’t I do that?” And they go for it. Fear doesn’t hold them back because they know that if they never try they will never succeed and failure is just a great way to learn.

11. They Celebrate Other People

Insecure people constantly doubt their relevance and because of this they try to steal the spotlight and criticize others in order to prove their worth. Confident people, on the other hand, aren’t worried about their relevance because they draw their self-worth from within. Instead of insecurely focusing inward, confident people focus outward, which allows them to see all of the wonderful things that other people bring to the table. Praising people for their contributions is a natural result of this.

12. They Aren’t Afraid To Ask For Help

Confident people know that asking other people for help won’t make them seem weak or unintelligent. They know their strengths and weaknesses and they look to others to fill the gaps. They also know that learning from someone with more expertise is a great way to improve.

Bringing It All Together

Building confidence is a journey, not a destination. Please share your thoughts on the matter in the comments section below as I learn just as much from you as you do from me.

I’m Not Good Enough – The world through a low self-esteem lens

by NATALIE (NML) on MAY 9, 2011

For a few weeks now I’ve been sitting on a ‘Self-esteem in a nutshell’ post to follow up my‘Relationships in a nutshell’ post. I’ve been pondering why I’ve held back, tweaked it etc and I guess it’s because while I can explain the importance of self-esteem in under 1300 words, whywe don’t have good self-esteem has to be acknowledged before getting into the importance of it.

I’ve only had good self-esteem for almost six years. The difference between me now and back then is that I believe I’m a person of value, that’s worthwhile and worthy of being treated decently and I have enough confidence in myself that I will do whatever it takes to behave in line with that value and steer clear of anything or anyone that detracts from me.That’s the very basics of self-esteem.

All I have to do is look at a ‘relationship resume’ that reads like a series of bad romances on fast forward as a reminder of what happens when you bowl around looking for love in the wrong places trying to make people create feelings in you that you should be creating for yourself.

When you have low self-esteem, when you follow the path of your choices and actions and your thinking and beliefs behind it and get right down to the starting point, it likely says ‘I don’t believe I’m good enough’.

In feeling this way, you just can’t believe that you’re a person of value, that you’re worthy of a better relationship, that you deserve to have your boundaries respected or to be able to vocalise your concerns or opinions. You’ll be cautious of people that don’t have similar outlooks and if you get involved with them you may think they’re ‘too nice’ or even privately wonder why the hell they’re making a ‘bad’ investment in you.

You’ll find any and all reasons to take a parachute and jump or sabotage when things are going well. You won’t be convinced that a valuable person and a valuable relationship would want to have you in it. You’ll take refuge in a limited relationship and then focus on their problems.

When you don’t have good self-esteem it’s because in having conditional love for yourself, you try to get people (and sometimes objects and substances) to create feelings in you that you don’t feel yourself. You make external sources the solution to your internal problems, after all, if you don’t like and love you, why would you believe that you could entrust yourself with the responsibility of you?

If the only thing you’ve ever known is to not feel good enough, it’s hard to imagine even an entire day where you can genuinely like and love you. You’d be subconsciously waiting for the other shoe to drop.

You’re seeing other people’s actions (or lack there of) and your experiences as being directly linked to your worth.

Even if you haven’t specifically done anything to bring about something, at some point you’ve taught yourself that ‘this’ wouldn’t happen to a ‘better’ person. Much of your emotional schooling happens in childhood and if how you’re treated by your parents (or people of authority) and your emotional interactions didn’t communicate that you’re a person of value and worthwhile, that’s the lens that you’ll use to navigate and view the world. You won’t handle rejection very well and you’ll shoot down some of your capabilities or overcompensate in areas such as intelligence, looks, or even sex.

Low self-esteem is like a special language and in your mental translation book, when you look up what certain things mean, you keep getting back the same meaning:

  • Parents didn’t stay together = Something wrong with me = I’m not good enough
  • Not interested in me = Something wrong with me = I’m not good enough
  • Didn’t get the job = Something wrong with me = I’m not good enough
  • Won’t leave their partner = Something wrong with me = I’m not good enough
  • Parent(s) were/are addicts or abusers = Something wrong with me = I’m not good enough
  • Won’t change into the person I want = Something wrong with me = I’m not good enough
  • Wants to do things differently to me = Something wrong with me = I’m not good enough
  • Won’t develop empathy = Something wrong with me = I’m not good enough
  • Does something that annoys me (and possibly others) = Something wrong with me = I’m not good enough
  • Relationship didn’t work out = Something wrong with me = I’m not good enough
  • Emotionally unavailable and have always been emotionally unavailable = Something wrong with me = I’m not good enough
  • Can only get it up to porn = Something wrong with me = I’m not good enough
  • Has different values = Something wrong with me = I’m not good enough
  • Won’t make me the exception to their rule of behaviour = Something wrong with me = I’m not good enough
  • Father springs a new sibling on you 5 mins before you meet them (completely true) = Something wrong with me = I’m not good enough

You get the idea.

And maybe that’s the crux of the matter: When you have low self-esteem, you see your experiences and the world around you as an extension of how you feel about you.People do what they do, not because they’re independent individual entities, but because of something in you that brings about their actions and thinking, and life happens, shit happens even, not because there are a gazillion other reasons or factors that could have brought it about, but because of something in you.

I’m fundamentally the same person and while I have good self-esteem, I still have to actively work on managing the little girl within me. My taste in relationships has obviously dramatically changed, but most of the factors that contributed to how I saw myself still exist and have changed very little – I’ve just dramatically lessened the impact and importance of them.

My father is still the original Mr Unavailable in my life and puts me through the hot and cold rinse, over-promising, under-delivering, Future Faking and the list goes on. I have had to workvery hard not to be drawn into the cycle of it and periodically there are tears although few and far between. My mum is still my mum – we didn’t speak for 9 months last year and I think 5-6 months the previous year. Unfortunately having boundaries and not being willing to live up to the perception of you does bring conflict but after years of avoiding it or exploding, I’ve discovered the sky doesn’t fall in when I stand up for myself. The past is still there, my childhood isn’t about to magic itself into a fairy tale, and in the background of my life is an element of processing the past.

I’ve had people ask me how they can possibly have a decent relationship or be happy with the childhoods that they have or the relationship history – you can. I’ve stopped going out with variations of my father with sprinklings of my mother with a side order of unrealistic and unhealthy beliefs and expectations. It takes work, but it can and does happen when you press pause on the tape that says you’re not good enough.

Like forgiveness, self-esteem isn’t something that has to wait until you’re done with processing all the anger, hurt, frustration, disappointment, pain, sorrow, shame, blame, the who, what, where’s and how’s, and the whole kit and kaboodle. If I’d waited until I never gave my past or my parents a thought and the pain had dried up and everyone spontaneously combusted into doing the ‘right thing’ and automatically knowing my value, I’d still be single and careering around on the unavailable motorway of life and probably would be for the rest of my days.

Take off the lens that says you’re not good enough – you’ll discover a whole new world with new possibilities with you in them.

3 Buddhist Beliefs That Will Rock Your World (And Make You Much Happier!)

Originally posted on and written by BY MEGAN BRUNEAU 

You don't have to practice yoga or follow an Ayurvedic diet to benefit from Buddhist ideas (but if you do, more power to you).

So whether or not you think about balancing your dosha, here are three powerful elements of Buddhist philosophy, "The Noble Truths," and how you can incorporate them into every day. They might just change your life...

1. Dukkha: Life is painful and causes suffering.

Many people might say that Buddhism is pessimistic or negative. This is a common result of learning that one of the Noble Truths is translated as "Life is suffering." But there's more to this statement. It's not just telling us, "Life is tough, so deal with it." So what is it telling us?

We actually can create more suffering in our lives by trying to avoid or suppress difficult emotions. Yes, our lives are inevitably punctuated with various unpleasant feelings: loss, sadness, fatigue, boredom, anxiety appear and reappear during our lives.

But attaching or clinging to particular expectations, material items, and states of being is often a cause for acute frustration, disappointment, and other forms of pain. So rather than fear our suffering or seek an ultimate resolution to it (and become frustrated by our lack of finding one), we can learn simply to recognize our suffering.

How we can use this belief every day: Try not to buy into the idea that you're broken. Expect that death, aging, sickness, suffering, and loss are part of life. Practice acceptance in the face of strife. Stop attaching to the idea that life should be easy and pain free, both emotionally and physically. This is a misconception made popular by the fashion, beauty, and pharmaceutical industries.

Illness, heartbreak, loss, disappointment, and frustration are parts of life that can be mitigated by practicing "non-attachment." Try to embrace imperfection, to let go of this belief that life should be a certain way. Open your heart to uncertainty.

2. Anitya: Life is in constant flux.

Anitya or "impermanence" means that life as we know it is in constant flux. We can never access the moment that just passed, nor can we ever replicate it. As each day passes, our cells are different, our thoughts develop, the temperature and air quality shifts. Everything around us is different. Always.

When we are feeling especially uncomfortable, the concept of impermanence can be, paradoxically, comforting. In other words: if nothing is permanent, we know our pain will pass. But when we are experiencing joy, the idea of impermanence can be incredibly fear-inducing.

If we accept the idea of impermanence at face-value, it can be incredibly liberating. In the West, about 100 years after the Buddha expressed this idea, Greek philosopher Heraclitus mirrored the belief when he famously said, "You can never step in the same river twice." All we have is the present moment.

How we can use it in our everyday lives: Celebrate the idea of change. Accept that everything is constantly changing. It's kind of amazing, when you just think about it! And even when the idea of impermanence might feel scary, it helps us appreciate everything we are experiencing in the present: our relationships, body, mood, health, the weather, our favorite shoes, our jobs, our youth, our minds. So let's savor those moments we do enjoy and know that the ones we don't enjoy will pass.

3. Anatma: The self is always changing.

When I ask clients what they want to get out of therapy, they commonly answer, "I want to find myself." Our culture has led us to believe there's a concrete, constant "self" tucked away somewhere in us. Is it between our heart and liver? Or somewhere unknown in our brain? Who knows!

Buddhism, however, assumes there is no fixed, stable "self." In line with Anitya (impermanence), our cells, memories, thoughts, and personal narratives — all of the "matter" that ultimately comprises our identities — change over time.

Sure, we all have personalities (though they can change over time). We have names, and jobs, and other titles that we use to identify ourselves, to feel a sense of "self."

But the idea of a constant self is yet another story our culture has told us. It is a story we can change, and thereby accept the idea that we ourselves can change — at any time, in any place. As Thich Nhat Hanh says, "Thanks to impermanence, anything is possible."

How we can use it in our everyday life: Instead of focusing on "finding ourselves," we ought to focus on creating the self we wish to be at every moment. It's possible for us to be, and feel, different today than we were and felt yesterday. Being depressed today doesn't mean we'll be depressed forever. We can forgive others. We can forgive ourselves.

Once we let go of our attachment to the idea of the constant "self," we can rest more comfortably with the constant change present in all of life. In each new moment, we ourselves are new.

Medicating Women’s Feelings



WOMEN are moody. By evolutionary design, we are hard-wired to be sensitive to our environments, empathic to our children’s needs and intuitive of our partners’ intentions. This is basic to our survival and that of our offspring. Some research suggests that women are often better at articulating their feelings than men because as the female brain develops, more capacity is reserved for language, memory, hearing and observing emotions in others.

These are observations rooted in biology, not intended to mesh with any kind of pro- or anti-feminist ideology. But they do have social implications. Women’s emotionality is a sign of health, not disease; it is a source of power. But we are under constant pressure to restrain our emotional lives. We have been taught to apologize for our tears, to suppress our anger and to fear being called hysterical.

The pharmaceutical industry plays on that fear, targeting women in a barrage of advertising on daytime talk shows and in magazines. More Americans are on psychiatric medications than ever before, and in my experience they are staying on them far longer than was ever intended. Sales of antidepressants and antianxiety meds have been booming in the past two decades, and they’ve recently been outpaced by an antipsychotic, Abilify, that is the No. 1 seller among all drugs in the United States, not just psychiatric ones.

As a psychiatrist practicing for 20 years, I must tell you, this is insane.

At least one in four women in America now takes a psychiatric medication, compared with one in seven men. Women are nearly twice as likely to receive a diagnosis of depression or anxiety disorder than men are. For many women, these drugs greatly improve their lives. But for others they aren’t necessary. The increase in prescriptions for psychiatric medications, often by doctors in other specialties, is creating a new normal, encouraging more women to seek chemical assistance. Whether a woman needs these drugs should be a medical decision, not a response to peer pressure and consumerism.

The new, medicated normal is at odds with women’s dynamic biology; brain and body chemicals are meant to be in flux. To simplify things, think of serotonin as the “it’s all good” brain chemical. Too high and you don’t care much about anything; too low and everything seems like a problem to be fixed.

In the days leading up to menstruation, when emotional sensitivity is heightened, women may feel less insulated, more irritable or dissatisfied. I tell my patients that the thoughts and feelings that come up during this phase are genuine, and perhaps it’s best to re-evaluate what they put up with the rest of the month, when their hormone and neurotransmitter levels are more likely programmed to prompt them to be accommodating to others’ demands and needs.

The most common antidepressants, which are also used to treat anxiety, are selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (S.S.R.I.s) that enhance serotonin transmission. S.S.R.I.s keep things “all good.” But too good is no good. More serotonin might lengthen your short fuse and quell your fears, but it also helps to numb you, physically and emotionally. These medicines frequently leave women less interested in sex. S.S.R.I.s tend to blunt negative feelings more than they boost positive ones. On S.S.R.I.s, you probably won’t be skipping around with a grin; it’s just that you stay more rational and less emotional. Some people on S.S.R.I.s have also reported less of many other human traits: empathy, irritation, sadness, erotic dreaming, creativity, anger, expression of their feelings, mourning and worry.

Obviously, there are situations where psychiatric medications are called for. The problem is too many genuinely ill people remain untreated, mostly because of socioeconomic factors. People who don’t really need these drugs are trying to medicate a normal reaction to an unnatural set of stressors: lives without nearly enough sleep, sunshine, nutrients, movement and eye contact, which is crucial to us as social primates.

If the serotonin levels of women are constantly, artificially high, they are at risk of losing their emotional sensitivity with its natural fluctuations, and modeling a more masculine, static hormonal balance. This emotional blunting encourages women to take on behaviors that are typically approved by men: appearing to be invulnerable, for instance, a stance that might help women move up in male-dominated businesses. Primate studies show that giving an S.S.R.I. can augment social dominance behaviors, elevating an animal’s status in the hierarchy.

But at what cost? I had a patient who called me from her office in tears, saying she needed to increase her antidepressant dosage because she couldn’t be seen crying at work. After dissecting why she was upset — her boss had betrayed and humiliated her in front of her staff — we decided that what was needed was calm confrontation, not more medication.

Medical chart reviews consistently show that doctors are more likely to give women psychiatric medications than men, especially women between the ages of 35 and 64. For some women in that age group the symptoms of perimenopause can sound a lot like depression, and tears are common. Crying isn’t just about sadness. When we are scared, or frustrated, when we see injustice, when we are deeply touched by the poignancy of humanity, we cry. And some women cry more easily than others. It doesn’t mean we’re weak or out of control. At higher doses, S.S.R.I.s make it difficult to cry. They can also promote apathy and indifference. Change comes from the discomfort and awareness that something is wrong; we know what’s right only when we feel it. If medicated means complacent, it helps no one.

When we are overmedicated, our emotions become synthetic. For personal growth, for a satisfying marriage and for a more peaceful world, what we need is more empathy, compassion, receptivity, emotionality and vulnerability, not less.

We need to stop labeling our sadness and anxiety as uncomfortable symptoms, and to appreciate them as a healthy, adaptive part of our biology.

Worrying About Stuff Is A Sign Of Intelligence

originally posted on the Huffington Post  By Melissa Dahl

The tendency to worry about stuff could be a sign of a certain kind of intelligence, according to a paper in an upcoming edition of the journal Personality and Individual Differences (hat tip to Christian Jarrett at the British Psychology Society's Research Digest for spotting it first). A team led by Alexander Penney of Ontario's Lakehead University gave 126 undergrads a litany of surveys and questionnaires designed to measure both their intelligence and how much they tended to stress about events in their lives. (For instance, they were asked how strongly they agreed with statements like, "I am always worried about something.") After analyzing the results, Penney and his team found a correlation between worrying and verbal intelligence.

More from Science of Us: People Who Go To Bed Late Worry More

Correlation doesn't imply causation, of course, but this is not the first paper to have found a link between anxiety and intelligence. On the other hand, Penney and his colleagues also found an interesting association in the other direction: The more respondents said they replayed past events over in their minds, the lower they ranked on non-verbal intelligence. By way of an explanation, Penney and colleagues have this to offer:

It is possible that more verbally intelligent individuals are able to consider past and future events in greater detail, leading to more intense rumination and worry. Individuals with higher non-verbal intelligence may be stronger at processing the non-verbal signals from individuals they interact with in the moment, leading to a decreased need to re-process past social encounters.

In other words, the verbally intelligent are tormented by their memory for detail, while those better at picking up on non-verbal cues are able to pick up more information in the moment and have less of a need to rehash events in their heads afterwards. It all makes for some interesting research, and a potential upside to being a worrier.




"It isn’t good enough," said the negative inner voice in psychoanalyst Marion Woodman’s head. "You haven’t anything new to say. You don’t say it well enough.’"

Like Woodman, who was writing her book Addiction to Perfection at the time, many women struggle to ignore an inner voice of negative self-talk that repeatedly seeks to undermine our work.

This voice in our minds does everything it can to embarrass and undermine us, and it does so especially when we are putting ourselves forward or expressing ourselves in front of an audience.

Our inner critics manifest themselves in all kinds of scenarios, like these ones my colleagues and I have heard from some of our clients. They include:

  • A financial planner making a presentation to colleagues hears a voice in her mind saying, "You’re going to fail. Not everyone in the room wants you to do well. They’ll be thinking, ‘She’s done well up until now. Let’s see if she can handle this or if she falls on her face.’"


  • A managing director hears, "You’re losing deals. You’re such a failure. Don’t expect to win this one."


  • A manager returning to work after a maternity leave thinks, "Everyone will be watching my every move, wondering if I am up to the challenge. They’ll be testing me, judging me, and looking for signs of fatigue."


  • An entrepreneur hears an inner voice saying to her, "What if you fail? Maybe you shouldn’t have given up that secure job. Are you crazy?"


  • A woman sitting at a meeting knows the answer to an issue being raised, but questions, "What if they think I’m wrong? Maybe I should just keep quiet."


Women often have louder inner negative voices than men because we have been socialized not to stand out—so when we seek to do so, our inner voice challenges us.

But we don’t have to live with the sound of this cackling crow. There are many things we can do to silence or soften that negative voice. Here are five ways you can do so:


I once asked an audience of 200 women, "Do you have an inner crow?" Heads all around the room nodded in confirmation. So I asked the participants in our women’s seminar to write down on a piece of paper the things that their inner critics say.

Becoming aware of this negative inner voice is the first step in silencing it. It allows you to separate that voice from your own and realize it is not necessarily you talking.


One of the most simple but powerful to take away the critic’s power is by refusing to repeat out loud what it says to you. After all, no one else hears it.

As one woman in our seminar said, "You may think you’re fat, or look in the mirror and say, ‘Oh my god, look at that body!’ But what you see is not an image that the rest of the world sees. Don’t call attention to these negative self-perceptions."

The whole world doesn’t need to know about every mistake, slip-up, or inner critique, so keep it to yourself.


Your negative inner voice feeds on your insecurities, so anything you do to bolster your confidence will diminish its power.

Preparation is crucial here. As one woman explained, "I have weekly calls with my senior leadership team. I used to be nervous about them and went in cold, without preparing anything. But now I actually take time to think about what I want to say. This eliminates some of my self-doubt."


Replace the critic’s voice with your own confident inner voice.

One woman told me she kept repeating, "I am the program manager. I am the program manager. I am the program manager," before giving a important presentation.

By repeating this positive self-talk this she was able to drive her positive message home and replace her negative voice with her own positive thoughts.


Chances are when you’re sitting at a meeting, there are times when you feel afraid to put your hand up to speak. You may fear that what you say will not come out clearly. You may fear that others will disagree with you.

Challenge yourself to defy this negative thought and put your hand up anyway. The more you do this, the more the critic’s voice will fade.

In university I forced myself to put my hand up once in every class. It worked, and eventually I didn’t feel reluctant to do so anymore.

Adapted from Taking the Stage: How Women Can Speak Up, Stand Out, and Succeed, by Judith Humphrey. Copyright © 2014 by Judith Humphrey. All rights reserved. This book is available at all bookstores and online booksellers.

10 Ways Introverts Interact Differently With The World

Originally posted on The Huffington Post  |  By Alena Hall

Introverts and extraverts may seem the same on the surface, but if you look at the way they respond to life's everyday occurrences, differences begin to emerge.

Last month, for example, Science of Us writer Melissa Dahl reported on findings from psychologist Brian Little's latest book on personality science, Me, Myself, and Us: The Science of Personality and the Art of Well-Being, which showed that introverts are better off avoiding caffeine before a big meeting or important event.

Little cites the theory of extraversion by Hans Eysenck and research by William Revelle of Northwestern University, explaining that introverts and extraverts naturally differ when it comes to their alertness and responsiveness to a given environment. A substance or scene that overstimulates the central nervous system of an introvert (which doesn't take much) might cause him or her to feel overwhelmed and exhausted, rather than excited and engaged.

In her 2012 TED Talk titled "The Power of Introverts," author Susan Cain reiterated this point in her definition of introversion, explaining that the trait is "different from being shy."

"Shyness is about fear of social judgment," Cain said. "Introversion is more about how do you respond to stimulation, including social stimulation. So extraverts really crave large amounts of stimulation, whereas introverts feel at their most alive and their most switched on and their most capable when they are in quieter, more low-key environments."

Now it goes without saying that most of our societal constructs cater to the former -- from open office spaces to loud bars to the structure of our educational system -- despite the fact that anywhere from one-third to half of the population has an introverted temperament.

While a person's introverted or extraverted tendencies fall within a spectrum -- there is no such thing as a pure introvert or pure extravert, according to famous Swiss psychiatrist Carl Jung -- an introvert is most obvious and vulnerable when he or she is in an overstimulating environment.

Coffee jitters aside, here are 10 ways introverts physically interact with the world around them differently than extraverts.

1. They withdraw in crowds.
"We hit the 20th century and we entered a new culture that historians call the culture of personality," said Cain in her TED Talk. "We had evolved from an agricultural economy to a world of big business, and so suddenly people are moving from small towns to the cities, and instead of working alongside people they've known all their lives, now they are having to prove themselves in a crowd of strangers."

The resulting crowd, which is often loud, noisy and congested, easily overstimulates introverts and drains them of their physical energy. They end up feeling more physically isolated than supported by their surroundings, and would rather be anywhere but that sea of people.

2. Small talk stresses them out, while deeper conversations make them feel alive.
While most extraverts are energized by such interactions, introverts often feel intimidated, bored or exhausted by them. It's not uncommon in large conversations for introverts to take on the role of the quiet listener and then take time alone once it's complete. As Sophia Dembling, the author of The Introvert's Way: Living A Quiet Life In A Noisy World, explains in her book, it ultimately comes down to how a person receives (or doesn't receive) energy from his or her surroundings. Instead, introverts prefer deeper conversations, oftentimes about philosophical ideas.

3. They succeed on stage -- just not in the chit-chat afterwards.
“At least half of people who speak for a living are introverted in nature,” according to Jennifer B. Kahnweiler, Ph.D, a certified speaking professional, executive coach and author of Quiet Influence: The Introvert’s Guide to Making a Difference. They simply play to their strengths, and prepare extensively. In fact, some of the most successful performers are introverts. Remaining on a stage, removed from a massive audience, proves far easier than the small talk-filled conversations that follow.

4. They get distracted easily, but rarely feel bored.
If you're looking to destroy an introverted person's attention span, just put them in a situation where they feel overstimulated. Due to increased sensitivity to their surroundings, introverts struggle with feeling distracted and sometimes overwhelmed in large crowds and open office spaces.

However, when they are in peace and quiet, they have no issue tending to a favorite hobby or delving into a new book for hours. Having that time to take care of their inner selves helps them recharge while enjoying an activity they already enjoy.

5. They are naturally drawn to more creative, detail-oriented and solitary careers.
Introverts naturally prefer spending time alone or in a small group, delving deeply into one task at a time and taking their time when it comes to making decisions and solving problems. Therefore, they fare better in work environments that allow them to do all of these things. Certain professions -- including writers, in-the-field natural scientists and behind-the-scenes tech workers -- can give introverts the intellectual stimulation they crave without the distracting environment they dislike.

6. When surrounded by people, they locate themselves close to an exit.
Introverts not only feel physically uncomfortable in crowded places, but also do their best to mediate that discomfort by hanging as close to the periphery as possible. Whether it be by an exit, at the back of a concert hall, or an aisle row on an airplane, they avoid being surrounded by people on all sides, according to Dembling.

"We're likely to sit in places where we can get away when we're ready to -- easily," Dembling previously told HuffPost.

7. They think before they speak.
This habit of introverts is often what earns them their reputations as listeners. It is second nature to them to take their time before opening their mouths, reflecting internally, instead of thinking out loud (which is more common among extraverts). They may seem more quiet and shy because of this behavior, but it just means that when they do speak, the words they share have that much more thought -- and sometimes power -- behind them.

8. They don't take on the mood of their environment like extraverts do.
2013 study published in the journal Frontiers in Human Neuroscience found that extraverts and introverts process experiences through the brain's "reward" centers quite differently. While extraverts often sense a feel-good rush of dopamine related to their surroundings, introverts tend to not experience such a shift. In fact, people who are naturally introverted do not process rewards from external factors as strongly as extraverts do.

9. They physically can't stand talking on the phone.
Most introverts screen their phone calls -- even from their friends -- for several reasons. The intrusive ringing forces them to abandon focus on a current project or thought and reassign it to something unexpected. Plus, most phone conversations require a certain level of small talk that introverts avoid. Instead, introverts may let calls go to voicemail so they can return them when they have the proper energy and attention to dedicate to the conversation.

10. They literally shut down when it's time to be alone.
"Solitude matters, and for some people, it is the air that they breathe." - Susan Cain

Every introvert has a limit when it comes to stimulation. HuffPost blogger Kate Bartolotta explains it well when she writes, "Think of each of us as having a cup of energy available. For introverts, most social interactions take a little out of that cup instead of filling it the way it does for extroverts. Most of us like it. We're happy to give, and love to see you. When the cup is empty though, we need some time to refuel."

Your CHILD doesn't know how to cope with stress because they never learned how to. Did you?

learning good coping tools must start early.

I recently worked with a child suffering from debilitating anxiety. The child became so blocked in her life that simple tasks became panic-ridden. Self-doubt, social phobia, and a lack of self -confidence were affecting her personal and academic life.  School became incredibly difficult and the child’s parents felt they had failed their child.

I was flabbergasted at the incredible pressure placed on children so young.  I relayed my concern to a teacher friend who confirmed the academic pressures on today’s children. 

Build a foundation for your childs success

Building a foundation for your children is imperative. As parents you strive to do anything within your power to promote your child’s health, wellbeing, success and happiness. Helping your children in their early stages of educational development with tools that can help them combat anxiety, stress, worry, and pressure is of the utmost importance if they are going to triumph in the competitive world. This foundation can put your children in control of helping themselves, increase their focus and productivity, and allow them to sleep soundly at night. While being prepared for an exam can help you get that A, what if it comes at the expense of days of procrastination and loss of sleep because they were up all night cramming. Building good study habits and management of time can help them do what needs to be done, even when it’s not that fun


Guided Imaginative re-framing

At Theta Spring Hypnosis we believe every child has the ability to shoot for the moon and achieve great things! Confidence in themselves starts with positive feelings and support from within. Theta Spring hypnosis is here to help teach your child the tools, techniques, and skills that can help move them through the challenges ahead.

While children spend countless hours in school learning, nothing is as valuable as the power of a clear, calm, and in control mind. Learning to navigate through situations with ease can be one of the greatest strengths a child can gain. However, these tools are typically not taught in school. 

Theta Spring has developed a unique approach designed specifically for children.  Since children have not fully developed their deductive reasoning and logic, the subconscious mind is more readily available for imaginative re-framing, allowing children to gain new insightful perspectives to help them advance in their personal lives, in their friendships and in their school. Working with children can be a very pleasurable and fun experience for the child and the practitioner! 

Guided Imaginative Re-Framing is Theta Spring’s technique for working with children in the hypnotic state. When children are in the hypnotic state, they are very aware of everything that is going on and never under the control of the practitioner. At Theta Spring, we welcome parents to stay in the room for the hypnosis portion of the session, should they prefer. 


To learn more about what to expect in a session follow this link to learn more!

A Common Mistake that Makes Your Anxiety Worse

originally posted on the CalmClinic

Many people make mistakes with their anxiety. In fact, one of the problems with anxiety is that anxiety itself can make mistakes more likely – because anxiety changes thought processes and feelings in a way that can lead to you to making decisions that are counterproductive for curing anxiety.

Alcohol abuse is a great example. People turn to alcohol to reduce anxiety because it can dull anxiety away, but in reality it actually makes anxiety worse because it replaces your mind's ability to cope with stress. But that is an extreme example. There is actually a single, common mistake that nearly everyone makes that causes anxiety to be worse.

The Most Common Anxiety Mistakes

There are so many mistakes that people make with their anxiety. Many people with panic disorder drink lots of coffee, for example, and coffee can make panic attacks worse. Others try to breathe in more when they're hyperventilating (because hyperventilation makes you feel as though you're not getting a full breath) but that actually makes hyperventilation worse. 

But by far the most common mistake that people make with anxiety is moping. In this case, moping is the idea that you need to "be alone." The idea that you need to go home after a tough day at work and just sit and think so that your stress and anxiety get better.

The Problems With Moping

Moping – or some form of moping – is incredibly common. Feeling like you need to sit and do nothing to feel better is a function of anxiety. Anxiety completely drains the body. It makes it hard to want to do much of anything. You feel like you want to be alone, and that you want to go home and "veg out" until you feel better.

Unfortunately, this is a common mistake that has the potential to make your anxiety much worse. Ideally, you need to stay active. You need to be surrounded with friends and try your best to get out there, exercise, and have new experiences. Avoiding those experiences because you want to cope with your anxiety alone causes several issues that make anxiety worse:

  • Inactivity – Easily the biggest problem is inactivity. Exercise and staying physically active and moving are extremely important for not only physical health, but mental health as well. Movement and exercise improve hormone function and neurotransmitter production, and drain the body of excess energy that would otherwise cause the mind and body to become more stressed. Moving and staying active in general is crucial to anxiety management, and inactivity from moping makes that much more difficult.
  • Uncontrolled Thoughts – Anxiety changes the way you think, and unfortunately that often means that your own thoughts are your worst enemy. Many people don't realize that anxiety and anxiety attacks are often caused by letting yourself sit and think, because the mind eventually starts thinking about negative things. Staying active gives your mind distractions, and distractions provide you with a mental break that can reduce future anxiety symptoms.
  • "Giving In" – There is a behavioral reason to avoid moping too. Namely, it essentially lets your anxiety win and controls the way that you react in the future. If you often keep to yourself when you have anxiety, then every time you have significant anxiety your body's reaction is to want to you give in again. It becomes your coping mechanism, and makes it harder to stop moping in the future.
  • Social Need – Being around people that you like and make you happy is an important tool for combatting anxiety. Obviously those with social anxiety disorder are at a bit of a disadvantage here, but in general if you can spend time with people and talk to others, you're more likely to find life more enjoyable, and the more you enjoy life the easier it will be to treat your anxiety.
  • Happy Memories – Finally, anxiety itself makes you focus too much on the present. One of the strategies to help reduce anxiety is goal setting, specifically because it gives you something to look forward to in the future. Staying active with enjoyable activities provides hope, and hope is important for committing to anxiety treatments.

How you react to anxiety does matter. It can be hard to control, but it matters. Those that push themselves through and try to stay active and distract their mind from these negative thoughts aren't going to cure their anxiety, because anxiety isn't that simple to solve. But they may find that when they finally commit to an anxiety treatment, they're more likely to see the results, because they've put themselves in a position where their anxiety isn't able to control them.

Moping behaviors are not the only mistake people make with anxiety, and it may not even be the worst. But it is an extremely common reaction to anxiety and stress and one that needs to be stopped in order to continue to control anxiety.

Other Anxiety Mistakes

Anxiety mistakes occur nearly every day. It can be hard enough to control anxiety even with the most effective treatment, so when mistakes occur it can really make it challenging to reduce your anxiety – especially without any help. Examples of other common anxiety mistakes include:

  • Listening to negative/moping music, rather than upbeat and happy music.
  • Purposely subjecting yourself to anxious and stressful situations, like horror movies.
  • Spending time with those that are generally negative.
  • Taking medications without combining them with a long term treatment.
  • Quitting an anxiety reduction strategy when it doesn’t work right away.

The list of anxiety mistakes is incredibly long, because anxiety causes people to focus on far too many negative feelings and emotions that get in the way of better decision making.

If you are looking for a quick way to refocus your mind Theta Spring Hypnosis recommends our 5 minute technique which is posted for free on YouTube. Click here. 

You can also combat your anxiety with our anxiety program you can listen to as home: Click Here.

11 Facts About Anxiety You Maybe Surprised About

Originally posted on

  1. Variations of anxiety include generalized anxiety disorder (GAD), social anxiety, panic disorder, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), agoraphobia, specific phobias, and obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD)
  2. Anxiety affects a sufferer physically as well as mentally. Some physical symptoms, especially during a panic attack, include shortness of breath, shaking, nausea, headache, rapid heartbeat, dizzy spells, and more.
  3. Surpassing even depression, anxiety is the most common form of mental illness in the United States. It’s estimated that approximately 10 percent of teenagers and 40 percent of adults suffer from an anxiety disorder of some kind.
  4. Despite its high level of treatability through therapy and/or medication, 2/3 of adults with anxiety do not receive treatment. Teenagers with anxiety receive treatment even less frequently – only 1 in 5 teen sufferers do.
  5. Biological factors contributing to anxiety are still being studied, but brain scans of people suffering with various anxiety disorders have often shown evidence of chemical imbalances
  6. Statistically, women are more commonly afflicted by anxiety disorders than men.
  7. Rather than being simple fears, phobias are seriously debilitating, intense feelings of panic that cause sufferers to go to great lengths to avoid encountering the subject of their phobia, such as heights or tightly enclosed spaces.
  8. War veterans are not the only ones who suffer from PTSD. Others who commonly experience post-traumatic anxiety, including flashbacks, are survivors of sexual assault, domestic violence, child abuse, accidents, or natural disasters.
  9. Closely related to OCD are various “manias,” or compulsions, which include, among others, pyromania, and trichotillomania. These are, respectively, the uncontrollable, continuous urges to start fires, and pull out one’s hair, eyebrows, or eyelashes.
  10. Those who suffer from anxiety are prone to suffering from depression simultaneously.
  11. Although anxiety disorders can be triggered by extended environmental stress or traumatic life events, anyone can be afflicted with this form of mental illness.

Scare yourself to stop smoking and see yourself in the future

 Alexandra of Theta Spring Hypnosis in 30 years!

Alexandra of Theta Spring Hypnosis in 30 years!

We all know that smoking can age you, but its hard to really "feel" likes its aging you when you can see the effects of the cigarettes. With this amazing software now you can look into your future and see how the aging process will happen sooner than you think if you keep smoking. A fun way to see how you will age is to visit In 20 Years . My picture is here to the right! 

Is it true that smoking causes wrinkles?

Answers from Lowell Dale, M.D.

Yes. So if you need another reason to motivate you to quit smoking, add premature wrinkles to the list.

Smoking can speed up the normal aging process of your skin, contributing to wrinkles. These skin changes may occur after only 10 years of smoking. The more cigarettes you smoke and the longer you smoke, the more skin wrinkling you're likely to have — even though the early skin damage from smoking may be hard for you to see initially.

And smoking doesn't cause wrinkles only on your face. Smoking is also associated with increased wrinkling and skin damage on other parts of your body, including your inner arms. While the skin wrinkles may not be reversible, you can prevent worsening of wrinkling by quitting smoking now.

How does smoking lead to wrinkles? The nicotine in cigarettes causes narrowing of the blood vessels in the outermost layers of your skin. This impairs blood flow to your skin. With less blood flow, your skin doesn't get as much oxygen and important nutrients, such as vitamin A.

Many of the more than 4,000 chemicals in tobacco smoke also damage collagen and elastin, which are fibers that give your skin its strength and elasticity. As a result, skin begins to sag and wrinkle prematurely because of smoking.

In addition, repeated exposure to the heat from burning cigarettes and the facial expressions you make when smoking — such as pursing your lips when inhaling and squinting your eyes to keep out smoke — may contribute to wrinkles.

If your read to quit smoking come and learn how hypnotherapy can help you quit and prevent premature aging!

Starting a Relax-ationship

[Stress & Relaxation]
two emotions that can not co-exist.

a word that carries a negative connotation, but something that we need relative  amounts of to function at our peak performance.

 a feeling that is relative to stress, and measureable through lack thereof.

Having worked with a number of clients on stress related issues, what I realized was how many clients don’t know how to relax.  Everyone’s idea of relaxation is different. For some, relaxation means taking a long jog, while for others it’s lying on the beach. Whatever your idea of relaxation is, committing to a relaxationship with yourself can be a difficult thing.

Like dating, we need to be ready to relax. Forcing relaxation is as useless as trying to make water boil by blowing on it. So how does one commit to such a relaxationship?

Use these following questions to begin to outline your motivations:

      1.     How is stress negatively affected your life?

2.     How will being in a relaxationship benefit you?

3.     How will your life be better if you allowed yourself to be in a relaxationship?


Once you have outline the above points you can begin to outline the perfect venue for your relaxationship to meet. To manifest your idea of relaxation you can use the following questions below to help:

1.     How does your body feel when its relaxed?
2.     Is there a smell that reminds you of relaxation?
3.     If you closed your eyes and thought of a calming relaxing place, where would your mind take you?
              a.     Is it inside or outside?

b.     Night or day?

c.      Hot or cold?

4.     Are you alone or with people?
5.     What sounds can you hear that relax your mind?


Committing to your new relaxationship can be difficult, but the benefits far outweigh the negatives. Here are a few tips to help you with understanding your relaxationship:

  • Relaxation doesn’t have to mean being in a quiet room alone
  • Sometimes just taking a moment to process the day and your thoughts can lead you to feel relaxed
  • Deep breathing elicits a physical change in response from your body that can allow you to relax when you mentally cant bring yourself to a relaxed state
  • Try to use visualizations of what it was like on a vacation you went on when you were able to feel relaxed
  • Go to the gym. Sometime physical exertion can be a persons form of relaxation
  • If watching a TV show allows you to disconnect from the day and that means relaxation do that!
  • ·      Dive into a book and allow it to take you to a different place


Relaxationships are a process and can take time to build. It’s a learning curve for learning about what you like and don’t like. Things that work and don’t work.  But I promise, when you find the right relaxationship its life changing. Don’t you deserve a little relaxation in your life?


Theta Spring has put together a relaxation program you can listen to from the comfort of your own home. You can review the program by clicking HERE

60 Minute Legal Crack. Available almost anywhere.

Originally posted on by Rick Dinihanian

LEFT: Mouth of a Metamphetamine abuser
RIGHT: Mouth of a diet soda abuser

A 24-ounce soda usually contains about 75 grams of sugar. That’s enough sugar to make your insulin levels bark like a Doberman on crack. Harvard says a single can of soda a day will add 15 pounds of body weight a year. According to "Healthbolt" this is what happens to your body after drinking a soda:

The First 10 minutes:
10 teaspoons of sugar hit your system. (100% of your recommended daily intake.) You don’t immediately vomit from the overwhelming sweetness because phosphoric acid cuts the flavor allowing you to keep it down. Nice visual huh.

20 minutes:
Your blood sugar spikes, causing an insulin burst. Your liver responds to this by turning any sugar it can get its hands on into fat. (There’s plenty of that at this particular moment)

40 minutes:
Caffeine absorption is complete. Your pupils dilate, your blood pressure rises and as a response your liver dumps more sugar into your bloodstream. The adenosine receptors in your brain are now blocked – preventing drowsiness.

45 minutes:
Your body increases your dopamine production stimulating the pleasure centers of your brain. This is physically the same way heroin works, by the way.

60 minutes:
The phosphoric acid binds calcium, magnesium and zinc in your lower intestine, providing a further boost in metabolism. This is compounded by high doses of sugar and artificial sweeteners also increasing the urinary excretion of calcium.

60 Minutes:
The caffeine’s diuretic properties come into play. (It makes you have to pee.) It is now assured that you’ll evacuate the bonded calcium, magnesium and zinc that was headed to your bones as well as sodium, electrolytes and water.

As the rave inside of you dies down you’ll start to have a sugar crash. You may become irritable and/or sluggish. You’ve also now, literally, pissed away all the water that was in the soda, along with valuable nutrients your body could have used for things like hydrating your system or building strong bones and teeth.

Beyond 60 minutes:
This will all be followed by a caffeine crash in the next few hours. (As little as two hours – if you’re a smoker.) But, hey, have another Coke, it’ll make you feel better and you'll avoid the crash.

Large sugar spikes = Diabetes, Obesity and Aging.

Visualisation key to improving sports performance

By Charlotte Kaye, originally posted on

The idea of visualizing, or mentally rehearsing, before an event is certainly not new. Some coaches even go as far as saying that sports are 90% mental and only 10% physical, and it is no secret that seasoned athletes already employ mental techniques. World champion golfer Jack Nicklaus quoted “I never hit a shot, not even in practice, without having a very sharp in-focus picture of it in my head”. Yet scientists studying visualization research in emerging fields such as sports psychology are still exploring how exactly mental practice can affect physical performance.

What visualization research has been done to date?
A study in 2004 found that volunteers were able to increase muscle strength simply by imagining using the muscles. Scientists divided thirty volunteers into groups: some did physical training of their little finger for 15 minutes, five days a week for twelve weeks. The others only imagined doing the training. At the end of the twelve weeks the group doing the physical exercise had increased their muscle strength by 53% as expected, but the group that imagined doing the exercise also had a significant increase in strength of 35%. Another study in Canada showed that participants who learned a series of foot movements through mental rehearsal alone showed an improvement in performance. Not only that, but scans showed changes in the brain had occurred that were consistent with the kind of changes that occur after physical practice. The researchers suggested that mental practice improved performance by acting on preparation and anticipation of movements.

A study using volleyball players showed that individuals differ in their ability to mentally rehearse. Mental rehearsal correlates with physiological measures such as heart rate, breathing frequency and skin temperature. The same patterns of physiological response were shown when playing volleyball and when mentally rehearsing, and these patterns were associated with better performance when players had to receive a serve from the opposition. The researchers concluded that mental rehearsal may help to create neural ‘information processes’ which can be used when the same action is performed for real.

Why Does it Work?
There is no single theory which explains the mechanism behind the effect of mental rehearsal/visualization on physical performance. However, the general idea is that when you imagine yourself performing how you want to perform, you lay down the neural networks which tell the muscles what to do, as if you had actually physically performed the action (Porter & Foster, 1990). The brain does not know the difference between what is real and imagined – when we imagine moving a part of the body, the area of the brain that governs that part is also activated. In addition to training the mind, mental rehearsal also prepares us for possible obstacles and threats that may arise. If we visualise successfully dealing with these, this reduces anxiety and improves self-confidence, which may enhance performance. In addition, stress may be reduced as mental rehearsal involves a certain amount of relaxation.

How can mental rehearsal be implemented?
Mental rehearsal can be used at any time to supplement physical practice. It can be done either in advance of actual performance, or even during performance, such as before making a serve or taking a shot. Some people find it easier to visualise, whereas others may use other sensory experience such kinesthetic imagery (imagining touch, movement and feelings). Regular practice is important, as well as making the mental images as real as possible while remaining relaxed yet focused. It also helps to visualize from a first person perspective (looking through your own eyes) rather than seeing yourself from the outside.

What are the implications?
The implications of using mental imagery to improve performance are potentially huge. Findings similar to the above studies have been replicated across many disciplines such as athletics, dance and music. Numerous studies have also applied visualization to help patients regain movement following a stroke. -

See more at:

How to Hypnotize your dog(tutorial)


By Daniel Engber

Laboratory studies of “animal hypnosis” were fairly common in the 1970s and the 1980s. One paper defined its subject as “a state of prolonged, reversible immobility which is brought about by different types of sensory stimulation and is characterized by passivity and lack of responsiveness.” The researchers go on to give an easy method for producing this phenomenon: Just hold the animal in a fixed position on its back or on its side until it stops moving. When you release your grip, the animal will persist in a trancelike state, unresponsive to other stimuli and somewhat impervious to pain.

This is not so much a case of animals being hypnotized as playing possum. Going limp while under threat makes predators lose interest and move on to other prey. “The name ‘animal hypnosis’ implies a lot of things,” says Gordon Gallup, Jr., a psychologist at the State University of New York at Albany who started working on this behavior among chickens in the 1960s, but the connections are mostly superficial. In fact, the “hypnosis” label has fallen out of favor; most researchers now describe the state as one of “tonic immobility.” Still, the catatonic state appears to be widespread in nature, and it’s been observed not just in chickens but in rabbits, guinea pigs, sharks, ducks, alligators, and Fijian ground frogs, among other animals.

This article originally appeared in the March 2014 issue of Popular Science.

But if you want to try it at home Theta Spring suggest trying this tutorial:

What Self-Loving People Do Differently, by vironika tugaleva

I used to look at people who were successful, healthy and happy, wondering, “What’s their secret? Why can’t I do that?”

After a decade long struggle with eating disorders, addiction, and self-loathing, I realized that the reason I couldn’t be happy like the people I envied was that I didn’t love myself and they did.

For me, shifting from self-loathing to self-love has been profoundly healing and epiphany-inducing. I can hardly believe how simple it’s been for me to quit smoking, eat well, exercise daily, find a loving relationship, and have the career of my dreams. And it’s all thanks to self-love.

Now, I see happy people and I smile, knowing that their lives are products of a series of habits that support theirrelationships with themselves.

Here are seven things that self-loving people do differently.

1. They listen to their emotions.

Most people spend their lives doing one of two things to their emotions: numbing or venting. Often, they do a combination of the two (i.e. they numb until they can’t hold it in anymore, then they explode).

Self-loving people do something very different — they accept each emotion as a piece of communication and they try to decode it. This way, emotions can become important guideposts on the journey of self-discovery, rather thanannoying roadblocks.

2. They choose responsibility over blame.

When something negative happens, self-loving people will look for a way to take responsibility, rather than searching for someone to blame. They know that placing blame doesn’t solve the problem — it only cultivates anxiety and helplessness. By choosing to take responsibility, self-loving people do themselves the favor of encouraging change and acceptance rather than stewing in stagnation and suffering.

3. They feed their passions and talents.

Every person in this world feels the gentle tug of fascination toward some hobby or activity. Sometimes that tug isn’t so gentle! Self-loving people learn to recognize that inner longing as something important, and they devote their time and energy to nourishing those desires. Self-loving people do something every single day that they love doing, and they allow themselves the space to explore new interests that arise. They know that nourishing their own inner hunger is much more important than any fears they might have about what feeding it looks like.

4. They spend time alone.

Those who have unhealthy, abusive relationships with themselves often have an intolerance of being alone. The moment they have some space with themselves, they feel the incoming discomfort of self-defeating thoughts and toxic emotions, so they reach for the phone or the vice. Self-loving people do the opposite. They look forward to their time by themselves, just as you’d look forward to a date with a beloved friend. They not only make time for themselves, they start to miss their time alone if they don’t take it.

5. They sleep on it.

As we learn to respect ourselves, we become more long-term oriented. Instead of caving to momentary impulses and immediate gratification, self-loving people will sleep on it and weigh the outcomes of important decisions. Paradoxically enough, being able to delay gratification and think about long-term outcomes gives us the ability to enjoy our lives more in every single moment, because that “long-term” that we’re always thinking about becomes our entire way of life.

6. They teach people how to treat them and walk away if they cannot.

Those who deny themselves love, respect, and approval will inevitably seek those necessities from other people. When we base our relationships with others on approval-seeking and love-hunger, we’re not really respecting ourselves or other people. We’re just running each other dry.

That’s why self-loving people approach relationships from a place of self-sufficiency. They know what they need to feel respected and they know what they have to offer. They gently teach the people around them about their boundaries and, if those are crossed repeatedly, they have the courage to walk away.

7. They admit their mistakes.

Those who don’t have self-respect are always measuring themselves against some outside standard. In many cases, that standard is being “right.” They feel good when they’re right and crestfallen when they’re wrong, because their whole sense of identity is wrapped up in these labels. Self-loving people tend to identify with more permanent parts of their experience, rather than temporary states like right/wrong, old/young, happy/sad. They feel a deep, unconditional acceptance of themselves, which gives them the power to practice self-improvement without losing self-love. Thus, they not only admit when they’re wrong, they expect to be.

How many of these self-love habits are you practicing? How will you love yourself more today?

What Do Nail Biting, Foot Tapping, Teeth Grinding Have in Common

We are humans, but we are also animals. And as animals we are innately built with the fight or flight response. However, when we don't enable these responses, stress presents itself in various parts of the body that can help us understand on a deep subconscious level what is going on. This gives us the ability to have a new awareness and line of questioning for ourselves in order to determine what might be the cause of our bad habits. 

We call trapped stress in the body that presents itself through things like finger picking and nail biting, teeth grinding and clenching, foot tapping, upset stomach, and even scratching as “body syndrome”. Please note, we call these body syndromes assuming they do not have a medical etiology or reason for being.  Each body syndrome helps is directly correlated to a feeling or struggle that individual is experiencing. A description of the various body syndromes is described below:


Arms and Hands
Reaching or fighting for the unobtainable.  Tends to be tied to control and/or perfectionism/fear of failure.

Legs and Feet
Trying to escape or run away from an issue.

Stomach and Lower Back
Guilt, worry, and sometimes even sexual frustration.

Head down to sternum
Called the Crying Syndrome, this syndrome has to do with persons who are having a hard time making decisions or expressing their emotions.

Too much responsibility, and at times not wanting it.

If the tension is on the right side of the body, it deals with logic and finance, while the left side has to do with creativity and relationships.

By peaking your curiosity in where you stress is presenting yourself you can begin to ask a whole new series of questions to your mind of what is going on right now that might make me feel that I am not in control (nail biting), or what is it that I am not expressing to someone (lip picking), or what decision am I not making in the moment that could help me feel calmer (teeth grinding/clenching). 

Your body is sending out a signal to you. If you can listen you can begin to turn the alarm off and tend to the part of you that is in need. Through your conscious awareness and knowledge you can begin the process of change. 

Theta Spring has made custom recordings to help with these symptoms on our digital store. To visit our digital store click here

Why We Suck at New Years Resolutions

Every year on December 31 we make a promise to ourselves to change. A New Years Resolution that we will commit to whole-heartedly…. Or at least until our old habits get the better of us. But why cant we create these lasting changes that we want?

 To understand why our commitment to change is so hard we first need to understand that while the idea of “change” is a desirable one, there is nothing for frightening to the subconscious mind. Your subconscious HATES CHANGE!  While change can be dictated with willpower alone, it’s like pulling on a rubber band. We can do it for so long until our subconscious fights back and says ‘NO! This is not how we have done it every other day before! This is uncomfortable.’ This is when the rubber band snaps and you resort back to old patterns of behavior.  While change sounds great, many times the subconscious mind feels like it’s driving in the dark to reach the change. It has no roadmap for success. What will change be like and feel like? When the answer is ‘I don’t know’ it sets the subconscious mind up for failure.

By understanding the subconscious mind we can begin to tailor your approach for having a successful resolution.

In order to understand our resistance to change, let’s begin with breaking apart the two different areas of the mind that are fighting with each other.


1)  The conscious mind:
This portion accounts for approximately 10% and is where the logic, reason, willpower, and deductive reasoning are housed. 

 The part that wants to change!

 2)  The subconscious mind
This portion of the mind accounts for the remaining nearly 90% and is where our primitive and innate abilities are housed, as well as, all stored associations which dictate our behaviors. This part of the mind is purely reactive and has no logic, reason, willpower, or deductive reasoning.

 The part that wants to stay the same- in the comfort zone.


Now that we understand these parts of the mind lets begin to break apart how to achieve lasting change. While change doesn’t always have to be perfectly define, its important to give some definition to what it will be like, look like, and feel like. Start by sitting back and answering these questions:

1.     State your goal

2.     Based on your above goal (where you would like to be), describe in as many words how you feel about where you are now. Try to come up with a list of at least 10 words through free association. Don’t worry if the words that come up make sense or not, just go with it and write them down.

3.     How would you like to feel based on your current situation with the presenting new years resolution.

4.     What will it be like when you reach your goal?

Many times our behaviors, despite being less than favorable, have a benefit to them. For example, no child wants to pee the bed, but there is a secondary gain from doing it- they get to sleep in their parents’ bed or get attention from their parents. Begin to think about what the benefit of your resistance to change is. Why does it benefit you to stay the same? When you can begin to pull apart the knot from a different perspective you can begin to understand the subconscious motivation on a different level.

Once you have taken the time to outline the above questions. Take a moment to sit or lay comfortably with your eyes closed and focus on your breathing. Feel the inhale and the exhale moving in and out in your body. Try to feel the rhythm of the breath as it moves your chest up and down like waves. Allow all thoughts to come in and be acknowledged. As your inhale say or think the word calm, and as you exhale say or think the word relax.  Count each breath from 10 down to one as you do this. You will begin to feel the body start to feel heavy. Begin to imagine how heavy you can make the body feel. The heavier your body feels with relaxation, the more you can open up the door to your subconscious mind to begin to visualize, sense, and feel the changes that you want.

Once in the deeply relaxed state, start to imagine, visualize, sense, or feel what it will be like to have the changes you want. Focus on your hands (which represent achieving goals) and allow them to feel heavy like you are grabbing onto your goal- its within your reach!


Note: The difference between imagining and visualizing is that visualizing will allow you to produce in the mind a perfect picture, while imagining might be more like relative pictures or flashes, but not crystal clear pictures. Sensing and feeling produces a feeling in the body. We each have different modalities of learning to relax, find the one that is right for you.

 Walk yourself through the mantra of I can do this. I have control of the things that I want and the things I don’t want.

 Allow yourself to rest with these images, visualizations or sensations until you feel relaxed and ready to bring yourself to a sitting position. Take a deep breathe and stand up and feel how tall you can make your body.

 Life is about creating a commitment to yourself not to always be perfect, but to always keep moving forward! Keep trying. Keeping accepting you will make slips. Compromise. Life is a transformation that goes day by day, step by step, and year by year. Never give up on yourself. I promise you its worth it!

If you would like to sign a subconscious commitment, you can download this recording that will walk you through a series of relaxation and hypnotherapy techniques to create a pact between your conscious and subconscious mind. Download it here


To Fall in Love With Anyone, Do This

First published on the New York Times by By MANDY LEN CATRON  @LenMandy

More than 20 years ago, the psychologist Arthur Aron succeeded in making two strangers fall in love in his laboratory. Last summer, I applied his technique in my own life, which is how I found myself standing on a bridge at midnight, staring into a man’s eyes for exactly four minutes.

Let me explain. Earlier in the evening, that man had said: “I suspect, given a few commonalities, you could fall in love with anyone. If so, how do you choose someone?”

He was a university acquaintance I occasionally ran into at the climbing gym and had thought, “What if?” I had gotten a glimpse into his days on Instagram. But this was the first time we had hung out one-on-one.

“Actually, psychologists have tried making people fall in love,” I said, remembering Dr. Aron’s study. “It’s fascinating. I’ve always wanted to try it.”

I first read about the study when I was in the midst of a breakup. Each time I thought of leaving, my heart overruled my brain. I felt stuck. So, like a good academic, I turned to science, hoping there was a way to love smarter.

I explained the study to my university acquaintance. A heterosexual man and woman enter the lab through separate doors. They sit face to face and answer a series of increasingly personal questions. Then they stare silently into each other’s eyes for four minutes. The most tantalizing detail: Six months later, two participants were married. They invited the entire lab to the ceremony.

“Let’s try it,” he said.

Let me acknowledge the ways our experiment already fails to line up with the study. First, we were in a bar, not a lab. Second, we weren’t strangers. Not only that, but I see now that one neither suggests nor agrees to try an experiment designed to create romantic love if one isn’t open to this happening.

I Googled Dr. Aron’s questions; there are 36. We spent the next two hours passing my iPhone across the table, alternately posing each question.

They began innocuously: “Would you like to be famous? In what way?” And “When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else?”

But they quickly became probing.

In response to the prompt, “Name three things you and your partner appear to have in common,” he looked at me and said, “I think we’re both interested in each other.”

I grinned and gulped my beer as he listed two more commonalities I then promptly forgot. We exchanged stories about the last time we each cried, and confessed the one thing we’d like to ask a fortuneteller. We explained our relationships with our mothers.

The questions reminded me of the infamous boiling frog experiment in which the frog doesn’t feel the water getting hotter until it’s too late. With us, because the level of vulnerability increased gradually, I didn’t notice we had entered intimate territory until we were already there, a process that can typically take weeks or months.

I liked learning about myself through my answers, but I liked learning things about him even more. The bar, which was empty when we arrived, had filled up by the time we paused for a bathroom break.

I sat alone at our table, aware of my surroundings for the first time in an hour, and wondered if anyone had been listening to our conversation. If they had, I hadn’t noticed. And I didn’t notice as the crowd thinned and the night got late.

We all have a narrative of ourselves that we offer up to strangers and acquaintances, but Dr. Aron’s questions make it impossible to rely on that narrative. Ours was the kind of accelerated intimacy I remembered from summer camp, staying up all night with a new friend, exchanging the details of our short lives. At 13, away from home for the first time, it felt natural to get to know someone quickly. But rarely does adult life present us with such circumstances.

The moments I found most uncomfortable were not when I had to make confessions about myself, but had to venture opinions about my partner. For example: “Alternate sharing something you consider a positive characteristic of your partner, a total of five items” (Question 22), and “Tell your partner what you like about them; be very honest this time saying things you might not say to someone you’ve just met” (Question 28).

Much of Dr. Aron’s research focuses on creating interpersonal closeness. In particular, several studies investigate the ways we incorporate others into our sense of self. It’s easy to see how the questions encourage what they call “self-expansion.” Saying things like, “I like your voice, your taste in beer, the way all your friends seem to admire you,” makes certain positive qualities belonging to one person explicitly valuable to the other.

It’s astounding, really, to hear what someone admires in you. I don’t know why we don’t go around thoughtfully complimenting one another all the time.

We finished at midnight, taking far longer than the 90 minutes for the original study. Looking around the bar, I felt as if I had just woken up. “That wasn’t so bad,” I said. “Definitely less uncomfortable than the staring into each other’s eyes part would be.”

He hesitated and asked. “Do you think we should do that, too?”

“Here?” I looked around the bar. It seemed too weird, too public.

“We could stand on the bridge,” he said, turning toward the window.

The night was warm and I was wide-awake. We walked to the highest point, then turned to face each other. I fumbled with my phone as I set the timer.

“O.K.,” I said, inhaling sharply.

“O.K.,” he said, smiling.

I’ve skied steep slopes and hung from a rock face by a short length of rope, but staring into someone’s eyes for four silent minutes was one of the more thrilling and terrifying experiences of my life. I spent the first couple of minutes just trying to breathe properly. There was a lot of nervous smiling until, eventually, we settled in.

I know the eyes are the windows to the soul or whatever, but the real crux of the moment was not just that I was really seeing someone, but that I was seeing someone really seeing me. Once I embraced the terror of this realization and gave it time to subside, I arrived somewhere unexpected.

I felt brave, and in a state of wonder. Part of that wonder was at my own vulnerability and part was the weird kind of wonder you get from saying a word over and over until it loses its meaning and becomes what it actually is: an assemblage of sounds.

So it was with the eye, which is not a window to anything but a rather clump of very useful cells. The sentiment associated with the eye fell away and I was struck by its astounding biological reality: the spherical nature of the eyeball, the visible musculature of the iris and the smooth wet glass of the cornea. It was strange and exquisite.

When the timer buzzed, I was surprised — and a little relieved. But I also felt a sense of loss. Already I was beginning to see our evening through the surreal and unreliable lens of retrospect.

Most of us think about love as something that happens to us. We fall. We get crushed.

But what I like about this study is how it assumes that love is an action. It assumes that what matters to my partner matters to me because we have at least three things in common, because we have close relationships with our mothers, and because he let me look at him.

I wondered what would come of our interaction. If nothing else, I thought it would make a good story. But I see now that the story isn’t about us; it’s about what it means to bother to know someone, which is really a story about what it means to be known.

It’s true you can’t choose who loves you, although I’ve spent years hoping otherwise, and you can’t create romantic feelings based on convenience alone. Science tells us biology matters; our pheromones and hormones do a lot of work behind the scenes.

But despite all this, I’ve begun to think love is a more pliable thing than we make it out to be. Arthur Aron’s study taught me that it’s possible — simple, even — to generate trust and intimacy, the feelings love needs to thrive.

You’re probably wondering if he and I fell in love. Well, we did. Although it’s hard to credit the study entirely (it may have happened anyway), the study did give us a way into a relationship that feels deliberate. We spent weeks in the intimate space we created that night, waiting to see what it could become.

Love didn’t happen to us. We’re in love because we each made the choice to be.

Medical Doctors are the Worst Hypnotists

You go to the doctor because you don’t feel well. You go with the hope that they will be able to help you not only feel better, but provide you something that can cure your pain or symptoms. What you might not realize is the subconscious messages you leave with that can cause you anxiety, a hyper-awareness to your body, and sensitivities to symptoms you didn’t even have before.

Dave Elman is a hypnotist who works with a number of clients helping them experience deep coma-state hypnosis to help them alleviate many symptoms of pain. However, he also works to teach medical doctors about the benefits of hypnosis in the medical field. While he is not a medical doctor, his work is invaluable. Elman in one of his lectures mentions to doctors the power that they have over patients and how they are some of the worst hypnotists in the world. He tells this story:

A patient when in for surgery of her gallbladder that was not longer functioning properly. While she luckily had never experienced discomfort from her gallbladder, the pain she had felt after surgery was incredible. Having been back to the doctors to inspect if there was an infection or something left inside during surgery, she was cleared that nothing was wrong. Feeling dishearted she sought out hypnotherapy to help her with her pain management. What she discovered when she did hypno-regression back during her surgery was not only eye opening for the medical community, but therapeutic in her pain management. What this patient experienced during hypnosis was a detailed account of her surgery. Stating specific details of things doctors had said and did, which were later confirmed to be true. What was uncovered was that even in a state of anesthesia patients are still listening and taking in information from their surroundings. What the patient discovered was this:

During the surgery one of the doctors upon removing the gallbladder stated that the client “would never be the same again.” What the doctor meant was, her gallbladder was in such bad shape she would feel such relief from its removal. However, what the patient under anesthesia heard and associated in her mind was she would never be the same and this had a negative connotation. Upon healing from the surgery, her mind created that reality. In fact she was never the same until after her hypnotherapy session in which they associated what she heard with a new positive perspective.

While the doctor was certainly unaware of the power of his words, it has created a strong movement in the medical community to be wary of what they say to patients.

As a hypnotherapist it is interesting to explain a certain phenomenon that is occurring when a patient enters a doctors office. When a patient goes to see a doctor there is already an anxiety occurring that something is wrong. They are actually experiencing pain and symptoms. However, once in the office patients are bombarded with additional signals from the environment. They see other sick patients, medical devices such as needles that can elicit additional anxious emotions, and they are facing the unknown that something serious might be very wrong with them. With all this information being brought into the mind, the mind can overload causing a patient to become highly suggestible and in a trance state. Patients become suggestible to what the doctor is saying and these statements and suggestions can go into the subconscious mind triggering worry, anxiety, and a hyperawareness of their bodies and symptoms. What one is feeling can be intensified through an acute focus and awareness as the doctor asks questions.

For example the doctor might ask a routine questions such as have you had any rashes or itching along with your symptoms. While the answer is no, but all of a sudden you become itchy. What is happening is your mind is creating psychosomatic symptoms based on a suggestion. Doctors don’t mean to cause this to happen, but they are.

To help you become more aware of your minds mental state in a doctors office, I hope to offer a bit of insight into suggestibility, trance, and hypnosis.

 When the mind becomes overloaded you enter into a trance state where you begin to bypass the conscious’ minds ability to deductively reason, rationalize, and use willpower. You become acutely aware of bits or pieces of information leaving out the other parts of a sentence. For example, a doctor might say: ‘You are healthy. However, down the line you may get arthritis.’ All of a sudden a suggestion is implanted that you might get arthritis and you wake up with stiffness and think you have it. Even though maybe it’s just a result from sleeping in a funny way that night. You become hyperaware of aches and pains.

Its key to understand the connection between the mind and body. The mind has a powerful imagination to run away with itself thinking of worst-case scenarios and playing them out. In these times of overwhelm give you self a moment to PAUSE. Snap yourself out of the feeling you and become the active listener. Some tools that can help you break a trance are to stretch, stand up, or even say “SNAP OUT OF IT.” Don’t let your imagination jump down the doomsday well. Utilize the power of your logic, reason, and rationality. While we cant control exterior factors in our lives, we can control the way we respond to them. Allow yourself to be present to you! Speak up. While a medical doctor is certainly the expert in his or her line of work, no one knows you better than you. Knowledge and asking questions gives you the power to make informed decisions and move through the next steps of whatever you may or may not need to do. By asking questions you can gain control back and move forward.

One technique that I teach to hundreds of my clients is what I call the 5 Minute Technique which can help you take hold of a calm, relaxed, and in control mentality anytime and anywhere. Whether you practice it at home or load it to your smart phone or tablet its there when you need it.  You can download that recording here








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