3 Steps To Not Play The Victim Role in Life Anymore

Writen by Jana Moreno at Wisdom-Ink.com Blog

We have all done it at some point in our lives:  we have played the role of the victim.  While this isn’t good or bad per say, it does often lead to not only a certain set of results, but if left uncorrected these results can and often do repeat themselves over and over again in different experiences.

I don’t talk about being a victim lightly.  I have had my experiences of rape and fraud on what many would consider a grand scale; but I would never call myself as such.  While this article may upset many, I do believe this is important to look at even if it is uncomfortable.  The intention here is not to shame or tell people who have experienced and lived through horrifying experiences that ‘they deserved it’ or that ‘they brought it on themselves,’ but to bring people into the light of empowerment.  Yes, perceived horrible things might have happened, but a person does not need to continuously relive the experiences over and over and at the expense of their inner peace.  So the intention of this article is to call people to rise to another level of responsibility and empowerment instead of dwelling in victim-hood which ultimately does not serve them or the people around them.  One cannot be empowered and a victim at the same time; we can only choose one of these spaces to dwell in.

    We do create our Life experiences; but the thing is that many of us are not even aware of what is going on within us subconsciously until an experience makes itself known and begins unfolding.  This happened with me when I discovered that a close family member had been committing fraud for years and racked up a debt in my name of $300,000 USD.  But within a few months of discovering the depth of this fraud, it had been cleared from my name without taking this person to court and without me needing to find a way to pay it off. In the end, I filed for bankruptcy.  I felt infuriated, betrayed and a rage that made my physical body shake.  Here I was, $300,000 USD in debt and I didn’t even get to enjoy it.  I didn’t travel, or invest, or buy a home or even have a chance to save up for my daughter’s education.  I didn’t get a car or anything out of it other than a few phone calls and these feelings of anger, rage and shame.  In short, I have never experienced such feelings of betrayal as I did then.

    But luckily for me, being in this line of work does come with its’ benefits; one being that I was equipped with tools and knowledge for freeing myself of this pattern and information replaying.  I no longer feel like a victim.  In fact, I owned up to my participation in this unfolding completely.  It is always easy to say that someone else took advantage; that someone else DID this to me, but in the end I was also participating; lest this might not have unfolded.

    Without further ado, here are 3 Steps to not playing the victim anymore:

    1) Awareness of your participation

    First and foremost, before we can begin freeing ourselves of anything, we must first become aware of our participation in it.  In any event in our lives, whenever we ‘lose’ ourselves in something we are participating in it in some way.  It would have been easy for me to say that I had no part in the $300,000 debt, but the fact that it showed up in my Life was proof enough to me that I had been participating in something…and in my case I was participating by not wanting to see it.

    So with whatever injustice you have experienced understand that it cannot unfold in your Life experience without your participation.  Again, I am not trying to anger people~ I am simply pointing to a different way of seeing things.  And I don’t say that lightly~ I have experienced many things in my Life where it would be easier to blame someone else, to be a victim.  That is easy.  It is much more difficult to acknowledge oneself as the creator and captain of their life and own up to whatever unfolds.  Ultimately though, owning up to it and course-correcting is the path that leads to a lighter and more peaceful Life experience.  There are many unseen forces at work here: Dr. David Hawkins calls them attractor patterns, and as we begin understanding and becoming more aware of how we are, the more we can free ourselves from unnecessary suffering.

    So whatever event unfolds in your Life, understand that you are participating in it in some way either seen or unseen.  There are people who live in opulence from poverty-ridden backgrounds and there are people who experience poverty from very wealthy families. There could be a million reasons for why things are as they are, and to attempt to understand them all with our level of awareness is a massive undertaking; so first let us look at our role in the events that unfold.

    How did I participate in the unfolding of this event?  

    What role did I play?

    Is there any secret or hidden payoffs I am getting from playing this role?

    Being honest and asking these questions prompts us to be more self- aware of how it is we are participating in the events.


    2) Owning up to your participation

    While this isn’t easy, it is important to take responsibility and own up to our participation.  For me and the fraud, I had to own up to the fact that I was too afraid to do something when I began suspecting it a few years ago.  My sister had mentioned something in passing which served as a red flag for me, but I was too afraid to look at it.  The person who was committing the fraud was someone I loved dearly and I was so afraid of losing their love that I didn’t want to see it.  I brought it up to that person a few times, but it always ended in fighting and me being told, “I don’t know what I am talking about,” and things of this nature.  That being said, I kept my head down all the while feeling a subtle intuitive nudge that said, “Something is off here.”

    So that was my participation.  Out of fear I avoided confrontation until the confrontation made itself known in the amount of $300,000.  It hurt, it was daunting and horrifying for me.  Where was I going to get $300,000 USD to clean this up?

    So in the experiences where you played the role of the victim, how did you participate?  What did you do or not do to end up at that end result?  And what did it cost you to participate?  For me, it cost me a relationship, it had an effect on my family life, my peace of mind and my emotional well-being.  It also required that I find a lawyer and file for bankruptcy which wasn’t fun to say the least.  But that is what unfolded after I was too afraid to confront it.

    3) Choose a different course of action

    For me, playing a victim meant that I played small; I made myself small and insignificant energetically.  It was a role of feeling and being powerless and playing this role in Life begets a certain set of results.  I had the intuitive nudge a few years ago, I knew something was off when this person became incredibly defensive when I asked them about it, and over the years that I held this energy of subtle discomfort, it manifested in my Life as a massive discomfort.  This is creation in motion.  To have subtle feelings and hold them over time without really acknowledging or releasing them gives birth to experiences.

    Since this unfolding, I am now debt-free and have never paid so much intense attention to my subtle inner states.  When something feels off, I listen now without second-guessing or bringing my mind into it.  Even if it means losing a client or a friend.

    What can you do differently from now on?  

    How can you set yourself and others around you up for success in the future?

    What can you do, not to prevent this from happening in the future, to ensure a set of different results? 

    These questions and their respective answers will support in making more informed decisions in the future.


      Am I sad that this happened?  Of course.


      Is this the first time I have felt betrayed?  NOPE (this questions points to an underlying pattern)!

      Can I see how I participated in it?  Yes.

      What was the driving force of the manner of my participation?  Fear.  I was afraid of losing love from this person who ultimately used my credit without my knowing.  I was afraid of losing our relationship which eventually was lost anyways after the unfolding of this event.

      Could it have been avoided? I am not sure, but I do know that this was a necessary learning experience for me…otherwise it might not have unfolded…or worse, I would have to learn it over and over again in different experiences.


      In summary, owning up to our participation in events is a massive key in coming into our own power and in being responsible.  In this unfavorable event I found my power, my respond-ability and could stand tall despite its’ unfolding.  I would choose this any day over feeling small, insignificant and powerless.  So if you are experiencing something unwanted, remember this article so that you can begin freeing yourself of it.