LETTING GO OF PAST RELATIONSHIPS.
by Alexandra Janelli
Ending a relationship is never easy. On a conscious level, you may understand why it happened. However, even after that relationship ends our subconscious mind brings with us many new associations that dictate our behaviors and patterns. In fact, these associations can even inhibit us in our new relationships through jealousy, mistrust, possessiveness, or inability to express our feelings, along with a whole slew of other things.
Our subconscious mind contains associations we’ve created since birth. We use these associations as a way of helping guide us through life, and in turn they dictate our patterns of behavior. For example, if you were cheated on by a partner, you may recognize certain behaviors they had in a new relationship and think your new partner is cheating. These actions will elicit your subconscious mind to bring up these old feelings of hurt, mistrust, anger, or however you felt, despite the fact your new partner may not be cheating on you, but is exhibiting a characteristic that reminds you of your old partner. Consciously you recognize you are comparing one relationship to another. Apples and oranges. But your subconscious mind can not discriminate due to its purely reactive nature.
Because you subconscious mind is pure reactivity it lacks logic, reason, and willpower. In fact, your subconscious makes up nearly 90% of your mind. When it feels uncomfortable, it will let you know through a reaction or an action. Fight or flight in the most primitive sense. Consciously arguing with your subconscious is a losing battle of tug-o-war.
Your life is a continuum of events and experiences that keeps moving forward. It never stops just because a relationship ends. However, sometimes it can feel like we are dragging forward the baggage of past relationships along with us on this path forward. It weighs you down and starts to adversely affect the enjoyment of new partners. It’s as if there was a voice in the back of your mind setting off an alarm all the time telling you to beware at each red flag you see in a potential partner. Wouldn’t it be nice to walk into a relationship with a open mind, rather than a pessimistic view as to when your partner will mess up?
Just because negative experiences, relationships, and traumas have happened in your life doesn’t mean that you need to keep reliving the hurt and pain of them. While all of these experiences were significant in their own way, each one was a learning experience that when you look back at them from this new vantage point (having given it time and distance) maybe you can see how these experience can be used to make you stronger or to grow. The past is the past, but you do not need to keep circling back and dragging forward the hurt. Each experience you look back on has 360 degrees of perspective. If you are going to choose to circle back on those events, how can you begin to see those events in a new light? Taking from them the ability to grown, gain knowledge, and dating data?
There are thousands of doors in your subconscious hallways of memories. Isn’t it time you stop revisiting these ones. Put the past into perspective. Learn from it. Take your past and remold it into an empowering learning experience, gaining perspective that can help you move forward toward more fulfilling, enjoyable, and loving relationships without the anticipation, worry, and anxiety that past relationships have been having on your. Leave these in the past and begin to move forward toward your future!